I was playing Stardew Valley today and I did Clint's grub quest. I used Monster Musk to spawn more of them, then had some time left and decided to fight dusk sprites. I got not only one, but two Prismatic Shards?! Too bad I didn't record it.
Appart from that, I need to finish my Love Nikki sorters and maybe customize them, but I'm not sure if I have the will to do that. I'm also deciding whether or not should I order groceries. I'm almost out of soy souce.
I had an appointment with my neurologist because of my persistent neuralgia. Turns out the pain was probably caused by a bacteria, so thank god I don't need a surgery for it. I had few hours to spare, so I went shopping (bought a dress and a plain white tee). Too bad I didn't take more cash, because Bershka had some nice stuff this time.
I wanted to write about this for a long time now, but I wasn't sure how to word it. I'm not sure if this is going to make sense to anyone other than me, but whatever. You know how people have this idea that Disneyland is the epitome of childhood, that it's more "childhood" than our actual childhood itself? I'm starting to feel this way about my own thoughts being more "real" than whatever is going on in the world right now. Looks like everything is either 100% a lie or truth these days and no one seems to agree on what is real or not. It's kinda disturbing the more I think about it.
It's finally raining today, after a long time. Turns out the WIFI problem wasn't as serious as I thought, all I needed to do is turn the router off and on. I should really finish the Nations sorters in the LN series and find a way to make them look decent. And find a way to make it save progress, because it will be impossible to do the "All" sorter if I don't. I'm thinking about using the mainyan sorter code.
Since the summer heat worsens my MS symptoms, I cook in the middle of the night most of the time.
I'm cooking rose pasta as per usual. It's my comfort food and now I'm contemplating if I should make a recipe section. That would be a fail, because I freestyle all my recipes. But maybe I could give it a go.
What else is new... Oh my phone can't connect properly to my WIFI, ever since the power outages. For some reason it keeps connecting to the 5GHz band and not the 2.4GHz band. I know how to fix it (obviously) but I'm too lazy right now, plus I spend less time on my phone, so that's a win.
Does anyone else tech forums unhelpful? The answers are either overly complicated or just plain wrong. I've always found a simpler solution for my problems than they suggest. It's either that or a bunch of people start commenting "same". Okay? How is that supposed to help anyone? And then the actual answer gets drowned in a sea of "same" comments. I hate how people try to transform literally any platform into social media. But that might have something to do with what I posted yesterday. Keyword: might.
The Dead Internet Theory was an obsession of mine even before it had an official name. In 2017 I became obsessed with the idea of shills and astroturfing. I thought I was crazy to think these bad actors would influence anything other than politics, but time has proven me otherwise. I was indeed correct.
Animal videos on youtube always have comments about animals being better than people or some variation of it. Why can't people just comment something normal? Why do these comments subtly manipulate us into hating ourselves? Not only that, but go on any country subreddit and it's full of people making xenophobic comments about people in said country. This is especially true for subs that are populated by "expats". But the bots do the same thing in other languages as well. I've noticed this on my country's sub. Advice that doesn't make sense in the country's context, that seems to be copied from American subs. The syntax is also like this. It's as if they were using a translator.
I wonder if this is also happening on NeoCities? Like a type of AI that is able to create a whole website from scratch. It is possible and a lot of these AI sites appear on google's first page. Those are bland and basic, but I do wonder, what if there's AI strong enough to make aesthetic looking ones?
Can I rant about the absolute state of lingerie these days? It's already pretty hard to find a fitting bra for myself, but let's not get into that. 
Most design options range from basic as hell to the "quirky" kind for the lack of a better word. It's hard to find fun, playful lingerie that doesn't look too corny or just plain childish. I can't comprehend who is the target of stuff like the farfalle pasta set from Fleur du Mal.
Seems like lingerie goes from strictly male gaze oriented - plain black panties and bras with no added details and poor fitting - to some sort of an anti-male gaze kind when it looks just plain ridiculous. That's what I don't understand about this discourse as well, why does everyone pretend men like frilly, lacy and glittery stuff on women, when literally 90% of them are bothered by it and want women to dress as plain as possible? It really feels like they have more if a problem with femininity than with the "male gaze", but just disguise it in progressive language.
I'm planning to go on a trip at the end of August, but unsure if I should go to Thailand or Vietnam. Entry to Thailand is visa free, but Vietnam is not. I may go to Thailand first and then get visa on the embassy for a trip to Vietnam.
I have nothing to do in summer besides sitting by the pool at my aunt's house and eating mangos. Things are very boring ever since I've became an adult. But I suppose it's a good thing rather than getting stressed out because of school. I completely messed up my whole high school experience and I do kinda wish I would have the chance to relive that (with my current knowledge of course). I really don't know what happened to me at the end of middle school. Sure, complaining about that might sound stupid, since it's long gone and I got to a top university. But still I wish things were different.
I'd like to think of myself as this totally asexual being, that's so repulsed by sex, she'll probably die a virgin. But that doesn't give me answers as to why am I that way. Anytime I try to talk about this, I always get the same old it's just the way you are answers, that don't satisfy me. Me being asexual doesn't make sense, just for the fact I like to dress like a "hoe" and I indeed do feel sexual desire sometimes. But I don't feel like I should be having hook ups or dating the first guy that shows "affection". I also have unrealistic expectation. Not regarding looks or how much money he has, but the circumstances we should meet under and how will the relationship go. For example he can't say anything pervy or sexual the first time I meet him. This is such a turn off for me, and I rejected 3 guys over it already, lol. I also wouldn't date a man who had hook ups or one of those "crazy ex" stories, like my dude, no. If he's not lying then I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with him, because what if his "crazy ex" would try to murder me or him? And if he is lying, then I know he's one of those men. Not worth the headache.
I do have so weird hang ups over looks; for example I wouldn't date someone over a certain height and 180 cm is more than enough for me. I'm 175 cm and I find large height differences kinda gross, #sorrynotsorry. I like when a man is masculine, but I don't think he has to be over 190 centimeters in order to be masculine. It's more about body proportions and facial features for me. I don't know why I don't care about height that much (compared to others at least). It's not like I want to dominate someone. But I want to look him in the eyes while kissing or fucking, not at his pecs.
But let's finally get to the main point. Why do I default into indentifying as asexual? It may have something to do with internalized shame, a problem I've struggled with my entire life. I have this voice in the back of my head that tells me I don't deserve love or a relationship. That he might be ashamed to show up with me in public. I'm basically using the asexual label as a defence mechanism at this point. But that's just that, a label I gave to myself, so it means nothing. What I indeed do have and know is real is hyposexuality. It's due to MS I think, but not every person with MS has it. I get tired pretty easily and simple tasks seem impossible. Maybe that's one of the reasons why I sometimes dread the idea of sex. I'm affraid it will be too painful and tiring. I guess that's also why I insist on the other person having a specific personality and not being too obsessed with sex.
My new favorite pastime activity is looking up drama of people I don't know and seeing how it unfolds. I found this 90's band, which I'm not going to name, but you could guess from the "clues" in this post lol. So basically their frontman used to be very promiscuous and sometimes hooked up with crazies. One of them claims they had a kid together, but then his fans say it's from another band's frontman. The thing that gets me is that his fans pretend he's an angel, but then I've read crazy posts about him on groupiecentral. I admit that maybe it could be fake, but why are so many of his past groupies coming up with the same horror story? But every single one of them pretends that he's a poor sensitive soul that no one could possibly understand. Calling the exact type of dude as him "sensitive and misunderstood" just gives me the ick. His music and aesthetic are corny as hell, and the whole shtick about chasing goth girls is cringy. Words can't describe how much I cringe at this whole drama.
There's something peculiar about old bands and their fandoms. I can't explain it very well, but it seems more personal than boy group fandoms. And more manipulative...